Small steps add up (a rant…)

I expect everything in life to happen overnight.

The second I finish a challenging workout I’m checking out myself in the mirror to see if my abs broke through the ten years worth of non-physical activity stuck on my frame. The morning after eating remotely healthy, I weigh myself butt-booty naked on the scale and then proceed to beat myself up because I only lost 6 ounces.

I want instant results/immediate gratification in everything that exudes effort on my part.

If I had to break a sweat for it, if I have to use energy to get it… I want the outcome now and I want it the way I envisioned it in my mind. No substitutes and no backsies.

I don’t know why I am like this and I hope there are people reading this that can relate.

This week I was stuck on a roller coaster cycle of I’m amazing – I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me vs. Lord where the hell is the thing I’ve been asking, envisioning, manifesting, scripting, meditating and investigating animal sacrifice about.

Like Jesus run me my blessings with the ASAP-ery. 

I was manic manifesting, demanding to hear God’s voice instantly. I felt out of control and anxious. I started questioning everything I’ve been working on. Wondering why is everything in life such a struggle? Wondering why am I not blessed like everyone else with a new car, a million dollars in the bank and rock-hard abs.

I was so focused on what I was missing instead of focusing on the fact that small steps add up. I looked past all the blessings and positivity in my life and began to spiral out of control. After double fisting Chick-Fil-A and balancing my carbs again, I had actual energy to see what a complete fool I have been. Man, fries and cookies CAN bring clarity. Haha!

In my clarity, I realized my only job is to work hard and believe it will happen. I have no control of the when or the how. I just have to remain patient and consistent in everything I do.

It’s easier said than done, trust me… and I most likely will have another breakdown again. However, next time I will just dust myself off quicker and get back on my grind faster.

I’m not striving for perfection here. I am striving for consistency. I am striving to be a little bit better tomorrow than I am today, even if that better is 6 ounces… because everything we do adds up.

All the negative we focus on adds up to a breakdown, depression, anxiety and self-loathing. Negativity inhibits our brains from finding solutions. I choose to focus on the positive, on the beauty and the joy in my life because that is what I want more of. I choose to fall in love with the process not the ending.

I don’t know when the ending will come and wishing for it to come faster only makes that fucker drag its feet. I’m going to try to love each day and all the mundane that come with it because that is all there is…each day. A day in and a day out that eventually adds up to your life. I don’t know if I’ll ever get the new car, the million dollars or the abs, but I will continue dreaming and striving and loving my transformation 6 ounces at a time.

Each ounce counts, each try counts…let’s keep going. Continue dreaming, striving and loving each step of your transformation. Focus on the beauty, on the positive changes you are making each day.

Your blessings are coming… Stay focused and stay in belief.

With love and badassery, 

Heather B.